she lay back against her feather-down, egyptian-cotton covered pillows. she went nowhere without them. they were her asset for real beauty sleep. her aunt isolde had brought them for her on her last visit. they had been covered in bits of crumpled leaves and emitted the aroma of what seemed to be spearmint. aunt isolde dabbled. she was interested in several things. she studied things that seemed silly and unimportant to the rest of the family. she knew lost languages, herbal mixing secrets, and stories galore. she knew not of things that would help her to pass the american citizen test, but of things she would say were of great more importance. "things about the history of life itself", she would say, "magic." she had pulled chloe aside and explained why these pillows were so special. "they bring powerful sleep, my dear. they will enchant your mind into rest so that with only a few hours of sleep you will awaken refreshed." she smiled and her eyes glittered in the candlelight. "sleep is something you shall need in the days to come. our princess must be refresed at a moments notice." she laughed and chloe giggled along with her. even at her age, it was sometimes nice to be called a princess. she knew aunt isolde meant 'our princess' and in the families and not some distant land she were meant to rule. aunt isolde was different, but certaintly not that ridiculous.

she sighed and closed her eyes gently, totally relaxed. as the house fell silent once again, chloe was a ble to detect a faint disturbance. something irregular in the familiar sounds of the house. suddenly she remembered what she had been doing when the phone rang. she had been about to open the closet to fix that silly toy. it must have been the old dog with the pull string that sang about the puppy in the window. the sound seemed to be composed of a gentle, relaxed melpdy. so subtle it seemed as if your mind were playing tricks and turning the silence into music. it was terribly quite and beautiful and wrong all at once. chloe could stand it no longer and wrenched back the door. nothing moved. the sound was gone. chloe was mystified. she strained her ears until a buzzing began. had she made up the sound to begin with? was she going crazy? her mind was flipping possibilites. she liked none until she remembered that she wasnt feeling well. thats why she had stayed home in the first place. she needed sleep. good special pillow sleep. she smiled and headed for the bed, forgetting to shut the closet door behind her. she lie down, suddenly exhausted. a yawn halfway escaped her lips only to turn to a snore. she was out.

she dreamt. dreams that she had no idea her imagination had the ability to put into thought. her aunts stories became one vivid slide show to the next. she saw things she hadnt thought of in years. things that at first confused her. she saw petite women with pointed ears and wings, short men with smiling faces, castles with moats, and beutiful creatures she could not name. she saw women and men in cloaks at a table. the slides slowed and the beauty faded. things lovely creatures turned dark and grotesque. things no horrow film could have capture the evil of. she became frightened and fought to shield herself from these terrible sights, but even when she closed her eyes the images lingered in her mind's eye. the last picture was one of a withered rose. a black rose.

getting there. more to the story

nicolette rolled out of bed and slipped on her furry pink slipper from 3 christmas' ago. normally she wouldnt be caought dead in something so tacky, but she was home alone and it was getting cold outside. she loved the beauty of the fall, just sometimes it woudl be nice if it could stay warm. she walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth, not evenbeing home sick is an excuse for morning breath. she brushed long enough to say her abc's twice. it was something she had watched on Barney when she was like 3, but still it was a good rule! as she raised her head from the sink she was taken aback. she thought her skin and a purple shimmer to it. it must have been her new eye enhancing contacts, or maybe it was just from her not feeling well. whatever it was, it wasnt real. she laughed outloud. it was so abusrd. could you imagine the pretty, popular, purple girl? i dont think so. it was one thing to make a statement with you hair color, but having a unnatural skin color was definitly a nono with social suicide consequences and that was not something nicolette could have.

she turned the corner and heard a muffled sound. she was confused. she thought she was home alone. she thought through her familys schedule. tuesday: dad was at the office and mom, hmm, mom has aerobics on tuedays and tennis lessons after that. she didnt ecpect either of them home before 2 p.m at the latest. their schedules were clockwork. her parents liked routine. they routinely avoided each other at all costs. working late and busy afternoons were a common place. dad even started sleeping in the guest room last year. they said it was because he snored and bothered her mother. nicolette didnt really believe them but as long as they seemed happy and her life was fine she wasnt concerned how their sleeping arrangements worked.

she stepped into her room to find the noise and grown quite alot. she turned a full circle trying to pinpoint the noise. she slowed in front of her closet. yes, that was were the noise was coming from. she quickly made a mental picture of her closet. it was a good size. not walk-in but long with plenty of room and built in shelves to one side. the shelves were full of shoes. rows and rows of shoes. the only shelf without shoes, was found at the very tip-top and it held a few old toys of her childhood. maybe the noise was from an old toy with messed up batteries. that seemed plausible. the thought eased her mind and she slowly reached for the door knob. as her hand began to turn the knob, the framing hanle cover of lollipop began to play. she about jumped out of her skin! it was the ringtone to her cell and it had scared the death out of her. she laughed at how caught up she was getting about an old toy making a noise in her closet, and skipped to her nightstand where her phone was plugged up. she loved the ringtone. it was fun, a little provocative, and she loved covers because she was able to be different but with about the same outcome.

the screen had a picture of a pancake with a heart cut-out in the middle full of syrup. it was adorable. her boyfriend had made it for her the first time she stayed over with him. she woke up smelling something burning and found her way to the kitchen. when she walked in, the room was filled with smoke and and Nathan was leaning against the counter with a plate in his hand. he handed it to her and said, "i made pancakes. theres cereal on the table. milk in the fridge."
"but what if i want pancakes. shouldnt i at least try them after all the troule you went through making them?"
"no, they arent eatable. just eat some ceral". she giggled and obeyed. a few minutes later he sat the plate beside her. "here its not breakfast but it is still special" the plate had the pancake with the heart cut-out on it. she was beside herself in love. it was an adorable gesture and she ate it up. she whipped otu her cell and snapped a picture before he could object. she always wanted to remember his special breakfast.

nathans name appeared below the picture. she answered the phone. he was calling to see why she wasnt at school. he was caring like that. she explained that she didnt feel well and decided to take the day off. he said he would be over after football practice with her favorite sandra bullock movie and they could have a cuddle date. she smiled a smile that reached her eyes and into her heart. she loved this boy. he was everything she wanted and more. she was very lucky. she dated a kind, smart, popular football player who drove a mustang gt. he was another part of her dream high shool career come true.

no end yet in sight

she looked out the window, anxious to hear the sound of grace. well her grace that is. it came in the form of a beat up blazer with entirely to much bass. sometimes she felt as if she could feel the vibrations before he turned the corner, but that could have been just another one of the intuitive feelings she had begun getting more and more often. at any rate, he was taking way to long and the crying in her closet had become unbearably loud and increasingly persistent. she knew what sat behind that door was something fairly unexpected. not an saddened younger sibling or a kitten or some other living, breathing being, but a translucent form of a boy. a small boy covered in bruises and cuts with eyes of fathomless amber that seemed to reach into the depths of hell itself. she knew these things because he had been there for the past 5 weeks.

Nicolette was pretty, popular, and today she was sick. she lie in bed debating whether staying home today was worth missing one of Mr. Wheelers Pre-Cal tests. If she missed the test she would be forced to re-schedule which meant she would have to make-up her assignment in his classroom in his planning time when it would be crowded with her peers. normally she would have ate it up, getting to be with all her friends and having them faun over her every word, but they could be very distracting. it also meant that he would be grading it as soon as she turned it in. he would know if and how long she had spent studying and she hated letting him down, but there were only so many hours in the day!

she was a very busy girl. she began her day bright and early to ensure her perfection. being popular meant always looking and acting your best, which has to be far better than everyone else. looking stunning isn't something you roll out of bed for, you have to put a little effort into it. as soon as her alarm sounds, she is up and out the door for a jog in the crisp morning air. once home she jumps into the shower, washing her hair twice, slips into her robe, and is off to her room to begin the hunt for the perfect Tuesday outfit. she has a theory on what each day of the week calls for which type of clothing. most look at Monday as "sleepwalking casual". the day when you were able to wake up late and blame it on having such a full weekend. Nicolette disagreed. she used this mind frame to her advantage and made Mondays a day to shine. everyone knew how impossibly full and intriguing her weekends were because they were all buy trying to be a part of it. they knew she very easily could have came to school with no more than a few hours sleep and she still came in gorgeous and fully refreshed. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were a little more relaxed. Thursdays were the beginning of the weekend. she used this day to allow others making their plans and she choose from amongst them. Fridays set the tone for the weekend. she was equally admired and despised among her peers and she was very aware of it. she realised how they could want to be her and be jealous they weren't. everything about her seemed so effortless. from the flip in her hair to her humble attitude, she was perfection. she almost agreed, but that in itself would be a flaw. she also complained of a slightly oily t-zone that made her forehead a little shiner than it should have been. that was what she believed her greatest flaw to be. of course that was before she knew that she saw things. things no one else could see.

do you belive in love at first sight?

Do you believe in love at first sight?
welll
there was this one time where i locked eyes with this guy and the look on his face will forever be imprinted on my heart. it wasnt the first time we saw each other but it def made a lasting impression.

the story:


my freshman year in high school i was in marching band. the season started in may. i loved it. i had always wanted to be in it so i was really excited the first day. all the freshman girls were giggly in the corner on first rehearsal. we were filling each other in on the m.b gossip from previous years so we would be up to date on everything. then one by one we notice him. he is this totally hot, punk bad-boy. he was a junior. he played trombone and his name was brett. there were so many different rumors floating around about him it was impossible to decipher the truth. that day i started my crushing on brett.
days passed and i got no closer to talking to this breathtaking badboy. i admired his style. the whole i dont care thing was really chill with me. i wanted that. but with no evidence of him even knowing i was alive i started to talking to another guy. he was nothing like brett. his name was jason. he played the saxophone. he was my age and he was fairly shy. one day he asked me out. he was the sweetest thing but he fell way to fast. during a trip he took to alaska he told me he loved me, a week later i broke up with him because i didnt feel the same way. rehearsals continued throughout the summer. jason now hated me and brett still didnt notice me. the crush had pretty much faded only to reappear if i happened to be in his group or something.
in august we went to band camp. it was held at unc wilmington(6 hours away). we had to meet at the school that morning and we left from there. by this time i had 2 fairly close friends. only problem was you can only fit 2 to a seat and there were no 1 spots around them. i was stuck looking for a seat. as i anxiously looked around i heard my name called. it was a clarinet in the back. her name was amanda and we had only talked a few times previously.
"yeah?"
"you looking for a seat?" she asked
"yeah, i am." i replied
"well you can come sit with me if you want."
i was more than greatful. i walked back and sat with her. we each had our walkman's (this was before ipods and mp3 players) adn she had the new papa roach cd. we chatted and exchanged cd's for a while but by the 2nd hour we were silent. i was bored and kind of zoning out. out of no where i hear a giggle. i look over at her.
"whats so funny?"
more giggles and a pointed finger to the back. i look to see brett. i look back at amanda and say,
"ok. what about him?"
"he keeps flipping me off." even more giggles.
i had no idea why this was funny so i looked back again only this time he was flipping me off.
"umm, thanks?!"
laughing he says, "who says thanks to that?"
"apparently i do." i reply with a big grin. which is fairly rare with me. i never smile like that. it must be the crush creeping up on me i resolve.
"and who exactly are you?"
"im tiffany."
"im brett."
yeah i know, i think. we exchange a few more snide comments before falling silent once again.
about 4 and half hours later we reach the school. we receive our orders. we are to line up at the counter with out roommate and receive our keys. we anxiously wait in line. the girls rooms are downstairs and the boys are up. the second floor has a loft so you can look out into the lobby where we are receiving our keys. also there is a commons room upstairs where we are free to all hang out on off times. so we are waiting in line and all of a sudden,
"hey tiffany!"
i look up. its brett and he is smiling. "yeah?" i reply. i cant help but smile back.
holding his jey up he says, "room 212."
i laugh and invariably turn bright red. all my friends giggle and its over but i replay it in my mind over and over.
my roommate is rachel. she is a bit off but had good intentions, plus i waited to long to get a roomie so i got her. anyways we get our key and run to our room. its amazing. we love it. we are giggling and squealing the whole floor is a buzz. after things start to quiet down and we begin fixing our beds and stuff i mention brett to rachel. i tell her about the crush and how we talked some on the bus and maybe what he did in the lobby meant he may like me too.
"tiffany, dont get your hopes up. he doesnt go for girls like you"
which translated meant your not so pretty and your overweight. why would he go for you? that kinda dampened my spirits but i knew she was probably right yet i still felt a tug towards him when i thought about him or when i saw him.
camp lasts a week and with each day brett and i talk more and more. around like the 3rd morning i get up early and go upstairs and sit outside the commons room in the chair he usually sits in. when he comes out he has to walk past where i am so i deicde its the perfect spot. soon enough he comes out and walks by me with out a word.
"well good morning to you too sunshine." i send after him. i dont even know where it came from but he wasnt gonna let him away that easily. he turned an about face walked straight up to me and kissed my forhead,
"good morning"
panting at the surprise and excitement, i jsut couldnt seem to catch my breathe "good morning"
and then he was gone. we tunred and went down the stairs. i was dumbstruck. i never saw that coming. neither did my friends because they had the same look on their faces. we were silent for a moment and then simultaneously began squealing with joy.
that morning was the next step. soon we were walking to practice together and talking during breaks. cracking jokes at each other during warm up. it was great and i was happy although i couldnt convince myself it wasnt a dream. the faces on other girls was priceless. the skinny flag girls and preppy band chicks couldnt imagine what this hot punk saw in a chubby short flute player like me and to tell ya the truth neither did i but i wasnt gonna say no!
the 5th night was the talent show. brett was an amazing guitarist and he planned to play a very special song for the show. it was the "blow job song" by blink 182 which happened to be both of our favorite band. all of our friends were in on it and suppposed to join in. it was hilarious. even the taechers laughed but needless to say the teachers put on a stern face and reminded him how a lot of people looked up to him and he was setting a bad example. on the way back to the dorms it was late and dark and the entire back of the bus was couples making out besides brett and i. we just kinda talked and joked and danced around saying we wanted to kiss.
the next day we packed up for the trip home. i had been repeatedly harassed with the same question,
"are yall dating?"
"no, i dont know." i continuously replied.
we began to load up the bus and realized we didnt sit together on the way up and it wasnt gonna be so easy to get someone to switch for the 6 hour ride back. i has sat with amanda and she had a crush on brett so she wouldnt support letting me have him and he had sat in the little one person seat. so i sat in the floor beside him. as we started on our way i looked to him as i had been asked that question again and asked,
"what are we?"
"what do you want to be?"
smiling, "i dont know what do you want?"
"wold you like to be my woman?"
laughing, "your woman?!"
"well yeah"
"i would love to be you woman!"
and he leaned over and kissed me, our first real kiss! with that we finally found a tender heart and got a seat together. we sat with my back against the window and my legs over his lap smiling and looking into each other's eyes for bout 30 minutes before the make out began. we made out for at least 5 of the 6 hour drive. and it wasnt gross and pornish, it was sweet and romantic and i realized then this was gonna be something life changing. i gave him a peice of my heart that day and its something he can never give back because it has become him. we are in many ways the same person and whether or not all the plans we made and ideas we had come to pass in the future i will always look back on this memory and smile. i loved him then and i love him now. love like we had is eternal. it doesnt fade. it may be sat aside for life as paths grow apart but it is bever extinguish. the firr burning in my heart for him will never be out out.

i miss you

doesnt even begin to cover it
i hate waiting
im not patient..
at all
and all i can do is keep thinking of you
of your eyes looking back into mine
seeing through them into the past,present,future
your my keepsake
you hold many memories
your eyes, your hands, your lips, your embrace
everything about you,
reminds me of happiness
even amidst all the adversity
i still managed to find happiness in your arms
forever in my heart you shall remain
my love will always be the same